When Engulfing Failure seems impossible.
Introduction:
When failure occurs, what do you do? Do you give in to your inner voice and fall into a pit of shame? Give up and become a sluggard? Maybe not that intensely, but the feeling lingers. At least for me, I’m familiar with what that feels like.
Background:
Today. I failed. I had a project I was so proud of, and I couldn’t present it because a group member kept delaying us. When it was time to go up and do my job, I stood up there confidently. Not only was I going to do well, but I was going to check off another ‘grade-booster’ assignment from my list. I had already had many unfortunate events happen prior to this very moment. When the minute dialed from zero, it all went crash down. I blanked. I stared at the work I beautified and perfected for now. I called Pest Exterminator a Mosquito Murderer (Could you not— that was the first red flag). It was funny in the moment, but I was in so much stress. The class is silent; my teacher is tapping her pen. Eyes are on me. And so, I stood there. The stakes got louder, and all it took to shut it down was, “I don’t remember anything.”
I cried. I took control of the computer, switching slides with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t wipe them; I didn’t sniffle; I just pretended like I didn’t just embarrass myself in front of 30 students in one swoop.
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Failure is bound to happen whether it’s small or, in this case, huge. So what happens after that? How do you know when you can bounce back and combat these feelings without regret?
These thoughts circled as I was on my way home. There are many decisions to make after something is out of your control. I believe I have figured out the antidote with my strategies the moment I sat back down in my assigned seat. Let me break it down.
Embrace Failure:
When failure happens, it’s not easy to brush it off. It’s normal for that feeling to cycle like a broken record over and over again. For starters, that’s not easy to overcome at the beginning.
I embraced that; yes, I embarrassed myself. And yes, everyone witnessed it. I failed. It happens. While my head panics and spirals, I understand that these feelings are totally normal.
Think Longevity:
A short second isn’t counted until a big event drives you to. Realize that the sun is still shining, time is still moving, and it’s time to move forward. Don’t dismiss your feelings of hurt, but observe and let your mind simmer in the present rather than the past.
I took a moment to think, now rested in my seat, and a new topic is introduced. If I keep reminding myself of how horrible I did, I will miss what’s ahead of me. If I run to the bathroom and sob, it’ll be a bit dramatic and drown me in despair. I took deep breaths until I could collect myself. I took notes; I kept in mind the rest of my homework waiting for me at home. I can’t let one slip-up consume me. Even if nobody understands the situation. At least I’m not dead, and I have plenty more chances to bring up my grade.
Talk To Someone:
I don’t talk to a lot of people about how I feel, and for some people that’s okay depending on the circumstances. As long as you have an outlet that can pour out your honest thoughts, it really eases up the pressure. As of right now, breaking down my thought process and not shying away from my vulnerability, I feel so much better.
Another thing I want to add: talking to someone doesn’t always have to be a therapy session. A switch up to a more optimistic outcome to look forward to can overcome failure and bring hope to something greater.
When I decided to take a walk to let myself calm down, by luck, I ran into a professor I was planning to travel with when I signed up to study abroad. She was very sweet, and her joy and optimism about this trip trampled all my depressive symptoms. I had only met her once and talked to her twice, but she recognized me in a blip! When I finished talking to her and opened the exit door to the sun and fresh winds, I felt myself drift into a euphoria. A field trip to an entirely different continent mattered more to me than a simple presentation.
Recognize, Then Plan
When you or someone pulls you out of sorrow, you can learn not only aboutyourself, but where you went wrong and how to do better next time. With that in mind, take advantage of what is, because regret can’t be the last thing to hold onto. Morals can be learned through our mistakes, so let this mistake benefit you for what is to come.
Blanking in the middle of a presentation was out of my control. It happens. But now I know I get nervous in large crowds, and it causes me to lose my train of thought. The best way I can control that next time is to experiment with attentive strategies to make me feel like I’m talking to a family member while memorizing the material, like singing my favorite song lyrics.
Summary:
Right now, as I write to you, I still am very upset at myself for what could’ve been. But without failure, what is success? My professor, who watched me as I presented, has failed to get to the seat she’s in right now. Famous philosophers, artists, writers, etc., they’ve all failed. They do not identify themselves by their mess-ups.
A failure is simply a human who did wrong. Knowing what you can do to regain the strength to move forward takes a lot of self-reflection, awareness, and intelligence. It builds up over time, and knowing what can be done to solve misery can make the pill of life easier to swallow.
This is not my experience, and these are some techniques that helped me. I hope these techniques find you well. Of course, this is probably not the last time I will unjust my expectations, but I know how to battle my fears of getting to this step of my life.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading. This Article found me at the right place. I have been really busy, and I knew at some point I had to sacrifice some part of my dignity lol.
But to turn the page, I recently got myself involved with a Print Magazine Organization (if that's what you call it). They are called Older Sister Magazine. Check them out; Issue 02 is where you can find me! If you are interested in reading, follow this link below.
More is coming soon so, please stay tuned.
Thank you for reading :)
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